Hello, i’m making a game which it has a story, i’m new making this type of content. So i want to know what do you think about, what i can remove/Fix/add:
Story
A corporation discovered something with a high value of cash, in an island (The lobby of my game) so they started creating an humanoid, called literally idi0t. So when they finished building him, as any robot, he just escaped from the island cause he knew their plans and he didn’t wanna be one of the bad people, he just escaped to the island that they mentioned and he started to protect it with the military, the evil corporation tried to destroy them with chaotic stuff (In my game those are minigames, disasters, boss fights and invasions) But they always survived (They is meaning about players), idi0t created a shop to sell stuff that he found in the island and the cash he recieved he would use it to go into the main island (island where disasters happens) and spend it into the military. But he just found a type of binoculars, he just used them to see the mountain where the evil corporation is, and he found that they were creating ANOTHER MONSTER! this time, 3 times approximated bigger than the island, idi0t was scared and he just tried to get into the mountain to see what they are doing, the robot thinked about he could escape from the island, but… what about the military? so he started to build a forcefield (which it may contain some punchs of the monster) and when he gets ready, he will start to build a boat to escape.
At the moment he was going to escape, the monster just got released! He just fought with the military, but they were so tired, so an helicopter just took them to escape from the island. The monster just got the island to destroy it and get those stuff of high value! the military still don’t know about something is in the island. But the monster saw idi0t was escaping. The monster thought that if he escaped, he would reveal information about the plans. So he just ate idi0t and continued his plan. But everybody forgot that idi0t has powers, which made the monster vomit the robot, and the robot took a sword and started to fight the monster. Later, idi0t won destroying the monster and took everybody into another island (Starting a new chapter in the game).
I want to know what do you think about my starting story of my game and what i can change. Thanks
I will not be able to respond right now. Thanks for reading
First, I need more context. Is this a serous or scary or funny or just so so type of game?
(So so is kind of like your normal game only this time with a story. Like if Lumber Tycoon 2 had a story. That’d be a so so.)
I don’t know if this is supposed to be a comedy, or if the grammar mistakes were purposeful, but if they weren’t, I re-wrote it. I also took some liberties and shortened it. If you want to hire me for things like this, I charge 5 R$ per seven sentences.
Revised Story With Grammar
One day, a corporation discovered something worth billions of Robux on an island. To guard the island, they attempted to create a robot-humanoid. Once they had funds, from selling the island’s resources, they started planning and building protytypes, the first-named “idi0t”. Imbued with state-of-the-art artifical interllgience, idi0t slowly but surely developed morality, thought, ideas, and most importantly, a moral compass. idi0t stood out and was eventually the corporation’s top guinea pig. The corporation got greedier and started forcing idi0t to go outside of their headquarters and to eliminate all threats. Or as idi0t eventually saw it, to eliminate anything and everything that would pose any sort of challenge to the company. Including any and all unneeded life. After all, why do you need pigs, cows, and sheep when you have a sentient, over-powered body-guard?
Why idi0t fled the island is unknown, but it can be assumed idi0t eventually started to resent his makers for their deeds, intents, and actions. Years went by, and idi0t got smarter. Upgrading himself to blend him, to have more capacity for emotions and empathy. Because of this, idi0t decided to go to the government, to stop the corporation. Luckily for the government, the corporation spent nearly all of its robot-based budget on idi0t and thought that idi0t just died somewhere.
But when idi0t and the government came back, they came back hard. Despite the corporations’ best attempts at defeating them, they couldn’t.
Well, I must say this story is very good and I want this made into a game somethings tho I like to see in the game
Try making this like for the intro for the game, so the player know what’s going on.
I also think that this story should be like a single player game because the story it self looks like it would work better it was single (But that’s just me).
Are there going to be season’s within the chapter?
I love this story and want it to be made into a game fast. (I will be editing this if I think of something else).
Thanks for your possitive comment, well this will become a game. I don’t think you will like the game: There are rounds where as i said: Chaotic stuff will happen as minigames, disasters, boss fights and invasions. The game was basically inspired in epic minigames, natural disaster, and games where you fight.
This will be made in the next season (Season 1).
I think that so but i don’t like play lonely. Months ago i started a project of minigames but i cancelled it cause it wasn’t original and i didn’t know scripting.
As i said yes, im plaining to make stuff like battle pass. You can buy them for Rubits (Highest value currency in the game to prevent Pay2Win and cannot be bought with robux) or buy it with robux (I don’t know how much will cost cause i never have managed robux)
I’m trying to make the game fast. But im testing new features (trying to be unique) and creating the live event (that will be the monster fight) plaining to be at 1PM UTC or something like that.
Well, I do love all these type’s of games I just hope that they are all going to make sense to the story and not just randomly put in. Also I think that for the Minigame’s and the other things should be a event and the boss fights should be like a season as well as the invasions and after they are done they should be like the end of Chapter one of something like the boss and the invasions should be different. (Idk something I just thought of).
Boss fights are not going to be like the one of the event. I must make gamemodes (Minigames, boss fights, etc) Cause I want to make an unique game. About you hope that this makes sense, I was thinking about it.
