How could I write these Item Descriptions better?

Help and Feedback Game Design Support
1

I am trying to write description for items in my game, but I suck at English and some sound awkward when I read them. If you see any grammar errors or have any suggestions on how to make it flow or sound better that would be great also. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: ( video below with eight items and their discriptions) Underground War Remake - Roblox Studio 2021-04-07 14-50-00

2

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“Primary” should read “primarily”, and it should just be “for digging quickly.”

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Teammate has two m’s; also should be “player health is healed”.

Otherwise looks fluent :+1:

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3

Thankyou very much!!! :heart_eyes:

4

I agree with all of this.

If you want to make it really basic could be;

Dynamite: “A special type of explosive, used for mining.”
In your game is it used for digging? if so, add “Can be used to dig quickly”…If its used as a bomb/on players “Can be deadly when used on players”.

On the Blessed MedKit to make it easier to read you can do: “Your medkit has now been blessed with powerful holy magic, on use it will heal 100% of your health, and 50% of your most wounded teammate”.

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5

Yes the dynamite only mine/destroys blocks it does not damage players at all

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6

Oh nice, I would say “Can be used to dig quickly”.

Your Swuvel and Sniper text is perfect too, your game looks nice - wish you the best :slight_smile:

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7

Thankyou! I hope for it to be done by the end of the summer! (Its a remake of underground war)

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8

Here is a revised version of the medkit and dynamite.https://streamable.com/25qngb
I am concerned about saying the same thing twice on the dynamite item “digging” “mining” and on the dynamite upgrade it does not fit with the format of the other upgrades. I trying something like

Your dynamite has been packed with powerful submunitions. On explosion it will scatter into smaller, weaker dynamites making for the ultimate powder keg. What you think???

9

This is what I have for dynamite item upgrade

“Your dynamite is now packed with powerful submunitions. On detonation it will scatter smaller, weaker dynamites making for the ultimate powder keg.”

10

Sorry only just seen this, it sounds okay.