I think for the part about interrupting William and Lily, it’s kind of weird that Jack doesn’t seem to be part of the conversation. It seems intentional with him interrupting them to talk to someone who seems to actually interact with him (Alya), though I’m not sure if that’s your intent.
The rest of the conversation seems fine, however depending on what type of personalities you are applying to William and Lily, it may be less linear if you have either William or Lily make a quip towards Jack about interrupting them.
Also, I don’t know if the characters are explained earlier, but it isn’t clear who is talking since there are no motions in the camera nor any real indicator of who is who. If you’re told who is who earlier, you’re relying on the player to memorize that. It isn’t bad, but it may help players understand the story as they play without needing to keep track of characters.
The dialogue makes me cringe really hard, the forced act of sounding goofy and quirky really puts me off, it’s not the worst thing in the world flashbacks to Huntdown the Freeman but it isn’t good either, on a 1 to 10 ratio it’d hit a 2 for me, it sounds a lot like those movies who try to have teen dialogue and have no idea how to execute the idea.
To add on to how it’s a forced act of being “goofy and quirky” just look at how Ayla and Jack “greeted” each other.
Heyo is not a good greeting, just have them say hi, have them act more normal, give them some more of a personality with one another. I’m uncertain how the characters relate to one another but you should try to build the dialogue on a very basic relationship; do they hate each other, are they friends, how are you to react to the situation yourself, and so on.
The problems start at “So, what do we do now?”.
No one would say that immediately after a greeting. It’s too long-winded and specific. It would be more appropriate after a long and awkward pause. Otherwise it should be “So, what now?” or “What now?”.
“Well, we could get ice cream!”
This one does not get to the point. Technically we could do any number of things. If this is a suggestion, then it should be framed more clearly. “How about ice cream?” or “Do y’all want ice cream?” or even just “Ice cream!”.
“Why not ramen instead? I like ramen”
This doesn’t seem combative enough. If William was afraid of being judged then this could work. Otherwise consider “Actually I prefer ramen” or “No, ramen is better”
Even with fixes of this kind, I still don’t know what the point of this conversation is. If it’s only a way to get the characters on the road, it doesn’t need to be this long.
Alright, so I’ve had this issue too, for a very long time. Roblox’s recorder records in the .wmv file format, but the .wmv file format cannot embed! So what did I do?
I tried uploading that as a Youtube video, but that was clunky and I didn’t want to show my personal channel. So, I simply made the .wmv file into a .mp4 file! The forum accepts .mp4 files and will gladly embed those.
So you may be asking, how do I turn my .wmv file into a .mp4 file? Simple?
Use this online file converter:
And now you have a .mp4 file! I use this specific website, and it works like a charm. Try it!
Now, after you’ve uploaded the file just like you did with you .wmv file to your post, it may say “file too large.” What to do then? Well just use a file compressor! Use this one:
Which is one I also use to squish my .mp4’s file size. It gets rid of unnecessary info, like subtitles, etc. And makes your file upload-able to the forum.
Last thing to do is to just upload it using the “Upload” function in the top of the post editor, just like you did with your original .wmv file.
If you’re trying to go with a realistic vibe, (Which I’m assuming you’re going for) you should think about how you talk to your friends in real life. Most people would say “Hi, Alya!”, not “Heyo”. It’s unrealistic and i’ve never really talked to my in real life friends like that.
I suggest you make them have realistic characteristics. Like, maybe Alya is shy, funny, sarcastic? Or, maybe Jack is high energy, loud, funny, etc. You get the get point!
Adding onto that point, if you already had personalities or characteristics for them, you should give them a type of tone when they’re talking.
Example:
“Jack sees Alya and he is beyond excited.”
“Jack yells, “Hi Ayla! How are you?””
Simple touches like that can make ur work even better!
Either way, it’s good. You just need improving with how you word ur sentences. Also, is there a game link to this? I would really like to play it sometime.
Player should have more control, like choosing to go eat Ramen with William and Jack or getting ice cream with Lily. The dialogue also feels very forced, it’s a very awkward conversation.
Also, is there a game link to this? I would really like to play it sometime. 