Old hospital paper

Hello, recently when I was working on Dollhouse’s story I made this paper (Will be used in-game)
Can you give me a feedback?


Time took: 2 hours 52 minutes.

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looks incredible, in a few months I will start a zombie project of all call of duty called Underground Reborn, maybe you would be interested in some commissions like that? for easter eggs or similar

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Nice! I like the especially like the burnt part! Also, is it going to be a model or a decal you put on a model?

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Sure thing… I may be your artist if you want.

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of course, the payment will be on a large scale, obviously suitable for what you need to do

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It will be a decal laying on floor (Like papers when a hospital is on fire or something like that ^-^)

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I think the text needs to be black. Also, is that August 7th 1978 or July 8th 1978? It would be easier to tell if you just make it say either of those instead of a numeric date. You are also missing some commas, and if this is a letter or a memo, than it needs a receiver. If you don’t put a receiver, you need to change Tom to “Management” or “Administration” and needs a more formal format. If this is a casual or personal letter, it’s fine. If it’s a formal letter to another employee, Tom needs a last name and the receiver needs to be on there. It would look more like a formal letter if it was typed using a typewriter, as I’m pretty sure printers haven’t been invented yet. The paper looks more like it was burned than rotting or torn.

If you need anything built, I will do it for free.

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The font you used makes it hard to read, for me at least.

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You can do the same thing with hospital bills. Many people in other countries know about America’s capitalistic healthcare system. That will be a major indicator. Also, any money, like quarters or dollars will be easily recognized as American currency. A framed trifold American flag on a desk will indicate this as well. There are many less confusing ways of indicating that this is America. Plus, it looks more formal to use the alpha-numeric date format.

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I really like the design, but you should try using something that looks less like fast handwriting as it is hard to read.

Also, the fact that these are transparent characters with a black outline is a bit weird.

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I agree. They don’t really look like sketches. They are way too perfect. They would need to be scratchier and more crude to really look like sketches.

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I meant the letters. The player characters have solid black lines, while the letters above are transparent with a black outline. It would make more sense if both were solid black.

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Okay, I will revert that, thank you for feedback.

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Alright, changed it into an “ink” mode (Not sure how to call it)


The text says:
7/8/1978 Yet another patients missing today, what the hell is happening? I hope tommorow things will get better because one of our patients keep making mannequins and it starts getting weird. Anyways we had to help an old person,
-Sincirely Tom

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Looks great, but you need a bit of help with the writing portion of this, and the recipient of the letter needs to be stated.

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Yep, now it’s much more legible, my only nitpick is that the characters have a much thicker line.

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Here is the what the I think the text should read:

7/8/1978

Dear (Name),

Yet another patient’s gone missing today. I’m pretty worried, but I bet they just snuck out and ran away to a motel or something. Hopefully, things will be better tomorrow. On a side note, one of our patients keeps making mannequins. It’s starting to get a little weird. Anyways, I have to get back to work.

-Sincerely,
Tom

I corrected some spelling mistakes, flow, tone, and formatting errors. I made it sound more casual, but I think sincerely is a bit too formal for this kind of letter. Maybe replace it with
“-Your pal,” or “-Love,” or something like that because this seems like a much more freindly relationship, like a letter to a spouse or a good friend. I hope you like it.

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That sounds very nice, but it is kinda meant to be that he makes docummentaries of his job (Like a page of diary or something like that…)

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It looks awesome, that’s really all the feed back I can give. I hope the game goes well! :smile:

Stop shaming me, that’s honestly really disgusting what you’re doing.

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