Opinions on Character Descriptions

I’m making a game called Script Quest, which tells the tale of a Noob named Oofy who wants to save the Crossroads by defeating darkheart, who tried to steal all of the scripts to give himself power and rule the world.

I have a bunch of characters which include a group of seven characters named the “Swordmasters of The Heights”, also known as just the Swordmasters. They are all based off of the SFOTH Swords, and have each been given a backstory respectively. I am creating this post so that I can know if anything listed will go against the Roblox TOS so that I can tweak it to fit the standards.

Suggestions would also be pretty helpful on improving the narrative of all of these characters. Also remember that things won’t most likely always be updated, and so I will update it every now and then. More characters and information will also be given out over time.

A lot of information also is going to be pretty limited to the public eye, because I don’t want to release the full story which is also not even finished, far from it.

Feel free to ask questions, some information may not make sense because they’re never formally explained.

Note: Each character description is fairly long, and some may or may not be a bit dark.

Characters
Playground
Thieves' Den
Lost Temple
Blackrock
Venomshank

Venomshank (Nocro)

Introduction

Venomshank, real name Nocro, is one of the former 7 Swordmasters and the king of the heights and is the most well known and well recognized former swordmaster. Venomshank comes from the Lost Temple, and as a kid he got a bad disease called the “Snakes Bite”, which was an infectious disease that you could get from a snake species called the Sujenozo. The Sujenozo were dangerous snakes that ended up having a rise in population when venomshank was born in 2006. As a kid, he ended up venturing in a forest one day due to his unattended grandfather and a snake ended up biting him, he had gotten the disease, and when his parents came back home he was rushed to the hospital. The doctors couldn’t help him, but they later heard of a mysterious witch doctor called Geneva, who told Nocro’s parents “I can cure the boy, but he will never be the same.”. After curing him, they noticed that some parts of his skin looked like snake scales, and one of his eyes was green while the other was gray. The witch doctor explained that the only way that Nocro could be cured is by mixing both of his blood with the Sujenozo’s blood to create a new type of blood, but the blood mixture ended up also changing up his appearance, making him half Guest, half Sujenozo. Nocro’s parents were sad and angry about the change that it made to his appearance, and the witch doctor explained it was the only thing he could do to save his life, and that he had another week to live, so without his help, he would’ve been dead. A few days passed and when they tried to contact him again for forgiveness due to them not respecting his aid, he mysteriously disappeared, though some of his items like his cloak were found in a lake, making his current status unknown. Nocro would be frequently bullied and harassed by random people, but later he would learn about swords and would make his own sword fighting style, called the Snakes Bite named after his disease. He would defend himself from people who tried to fight him and would beat them up, he later became infamous in Lost Temple because of it, the only known survivor of the disease. At some point of time he just decided to accept his new appearance, and later moved to Blackrock to possibly restart his life, he would go by his new name, Venomshank.

In 2007, he would join the second SFOTH Tournament run by Shedletsky and would go against darkheart, they both put up a good fight but darkheart would end up draining Venomshank’s energy to the point where he collapsed. He ended up losing to darkheart, but he knew that one day they would clash again, making that his goal, to defeat darkheart once again in battle, though he never knew that darkheart would later go to such lengths to achieve a goal that he later made.

Venomshank would later form a new group called the Swordmasters, which he formed with Firebrand after seeing how he fought against Ice Dagger in 2008. Later Ice Dagger would join after Firebrand would invite her, then Windforce and Illumina, and then Ghostwalker. Darkheart would later find out about the group, and would sneak up on Firebrand to ask him if he could join at midnight, Firebrand would ask Venomshank about it and Venomshank obliged, due to his respect raising for darkheart after his victory against him and also so that he could possibly get a chance to fight him again.

In 2011, Venomshank would finally win a tournament, 4 years after he got second place against Darkheart. The group celebrated but it would be their last celebration with each other. Firebrand at some point got fed up with Ghostwalker in an argument about Firebrand’s family issues, due to Ghostwalkers idea of forgetting about his family which forgetting being his coping mechanism due to the trauma he faced as a child, to the point where he ended up disrespecting his past. Ghostwalker got angry to the point where a fight ensued between the two. Ice Dagger tried to stop the fight but then darkheart would try to influence them to continue, causing the two to also have a problem. Venomshank and Windforce both decided to go home that day, and after the fight stopped Ghostwalker decided to leave the group, and Ice Dagger joined him due to their close connection, Firebrand also ended up leaving the group days later due to him not only having regrets but also just out of frustration. Darkheart would later try to fight Firebrand when he attempted to leave as he saw this chance to finally defeat one of the group members, as he was planning to betray them from the start, and after Venomshank stopped the fight and after firebrand left, darkheart disappeared without a notice. Venomshank declared when there were only three of them left that he would be disbanding the group, and Illumina and Windforce ended up agreeing that they should disband and both left together.

After the drama, Venomshank would later become depressed and would blame himself for the falling out of the group, “If only If I stopped the argument” he thinks, he would still be able to keep his only friends.

Venomshank later distanced himself from the public eye but still participated in SFOTH related events. Resulting in his family having trouble contacting him to the point where they couldn’t contact him at all. Venomshank would still train to become more powerful and would seek out to one day reunite the group but also fight Darkheart and find out why he betrayed the group so suddenly.

Personality

Venomshank is a very observant and serious person. Despite him being serious, he has a sugar obsession. He spends a lot on sugary foods and doesn’t really gain weight.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

  • Root Beer
  • Sugar
  • Sword Fighting
  • Barostia’s Diner

Dislikes

  • Bitter Foods
  • Ginger Root Beer
  • Snakes
Ghostwalker

Ghostwalker (Genzai)

Introduction

Ghostwalker, real name, Genzai is one of the 7 swordmasters. Ghostwalker is a merganiae. He originally resided a town now known as “Ghost Town” formerly known as Resiville, which used to be a fairly small town situated in Thieves Den, but many gangs and thieves ended up raiding the town several times, leaving the towns civilians dry of any food, water, or basic resources leaving them in a famine, destroying many pieces of its history and culture, and later down the road ended up committing a genocide on its people.

Ghostwalker, real name Genzai was born in 2006 and died in 2008 as a result of the genocide, specifically the final raid on the townspeople. Ghostwalkers family wasn’t any luckier however, as they either died through starvation, or killed on the spot throughout the genocide. Ghostwalker decided to become a merganiae, except his body merged with some smoke that slightly resembled his original form. Except, he noticed that some scars from the raid were still on him, and his horns were broken. Overtime, he would build a graveyard as a tribute to those identified and unidentified after their deaths. A local town that was in close proximity ended up coining Ghostwalker as a myth, due to the fact that visitors of the now disheveled and run down town sometimes see him in the area, and so they gave him the name “Ghostwalker”, and gave the town a new name, Ghost Town.

Ghostwalker would later try to forget his past, and would later move to Blackrock to try to connect with people, as he has been alone for about a year after his death. He would often be spotted roaming around in Blackrock, with some people calling him “The Ghost of Blackrock” due to his nature. He would end up crossing paths with Icedagger when he decided to join the 2009 SFOTH Tournament. Many were shocked that they could finally see the true “Ghost of Blackrock” for once. It was a close match, but he ended up winning when he caught her off guard. They would though, get off on a good note and they would both become close friends, with her later introducing him to firebrand and them all later forming the Champions of the heights. Something that connected both Ghostwalker and Ice Dagger was the fact that Ice Dagger actually made Ghostwalker feel something, as Ghostwalker was emotionless and still kind of bears no emotion as a ghost.

Personality

Ghostwalker is a pretty emotionless person, though his emotions have come out a bit more ever since he’s interacted with Ice Dagger.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

  • Neutrality
  • Resiville
  • Tea
  • Commemoration For The Dead
  • Cocoa Beans

Dislikes

  • Thieves
  • Coffee
Illumina

Illumina (Ivy)

Introduction

Illumina, real name Ivy, is a character in Blackrock who was one of the swordmasters of The Heights and a former Champion of the Heights before the group split up. Illumina was born in the Playground Region. As a child, she was fascinated by magicians and illusionists. She started to practice white magic which was the most basic of magic and quickly became proficient at it. She managed to learn how to create clones of herself, make things slightly bigger for a short period of time, and many other things. The method in which she figured it out was by sneaking into the library and searching for ways to practice old books made by the infamous John Doe, and she did so by searching the vents and many other obscure places in the library to find some old books that John has created, including one secret library room that held all of the forbidden books that the library owns. These books were forbidden by the owners of the library, due to people using the books for malicious purposes during the rise of magic during the age of magic.

However, the residents of Playground became afraid of Illumina, after a guard spotted her in the library sleeping late at night with one of the books. She was later banned and she ended up moving to Blackrock in search of better opportunities and jobs due to many people regarding her as a dangerous person and also because her former job ended up firing her due to her worsening reputation. She would later get into fighting after seeing Firebrand fight in the 2007 SFOTH Tournament. She would go up against Windforce in 2008, but after a hard fight Windforce would end up taking the win against her.

Illumina would later visit a coffee shop after hearing that it had great reviews, conveniently being the same coffee shop that Windforce worked at. Though, after seeing how Windforce looked in the coffee shop, Illumina invited him over to her apartment for a talk with coffee. Illumina would later come to the conclusion that Windforce was a merganiae and also decided to make a pact with him that they would both find out his true past, as that was one of Windforce’s goals in his new life.

They both later found out about the other sword masters, and they formed the group. Windforce eventually became closer to Illumina, and in the end, Illumina and Windforce became close friends, and when the group split apart, Illumina kept connections with some of the Swordmasters, but Illumina became Windforces main companion that he would venture out with. Illumina and Windforce are currently traveling around, practicing fighting, and Windforce is still working at the coffee shop, and they both are still figuring out about Windforce.

Personality

Illumina is a pretty up-beat and a considerate person who tries to look out for others. She’s very intelligent and likes to learn, but even though pretty intelligent, she tries her best to not act overly serious.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

  • Whales
  • Magic
  • Books
  • Bombs
  • Having Fun
  • Coffee

Dislikes

  • Overly-Serious People
  • Library Guards
  • Party Poopers
  • Tea
Ice Dagger

Ice Dagger (Crystal)

Introduction

Ice Dagger, real name Crystal, is one of the 7 swordmasters. Ice dagger was hiking Mt. Nepja when she suddenly fell inside a shallow patch of snow and died on impact. A man was sent out to look for her, he used a dagger to cut the ice open, but before he noticed he took his last step towards Ice dagger, and she accidentally froze him, causing him to die and his dagger to become frozen, she had just become a merganiae. She managed to break out of the ice, as a new form that feels like it’s always cold, and she takes the dagger to escape from the mountain and also to remember the man who tried to save her, even though she never ended up finding out who it was. She then later escaped to Blackrock as some other ice climbers began calling her a monster because after they found out that the man who tried saving her died, they noticed that she left footprints, and they eventually found her and tried to attack her. She then got into fighting and practiced with her dagger for self defense, out of fear that more people would attempt to attack her.

In 2007, Ice Dagger decided to participate in the SFOTH tournament, under her self-made rule that she won’t kill her opponent after the Mt. Nepja Incident. She also isn’t really into big events, and also wanted to make a new name for herself and be recognized as someone other than a monster. She also saw the event as a good way to make money. In the finals, she faced a certain Firebrand. She ended up winning the fight and shook hands with Firebrand. They went on to form a connection with each other. Ice Dagger eventually found the other 5 swordmasters, but slightly disliked “Venomshank’’ for a bit due to him and Firebrand usually arguing, but they eventually became friendly with each other. Eventually they split up and Ice Dagger became really distant with everyone. 2 years after the previous SFOTH tournament she joined, she decided to join the 2009 SFOTH Tournament and would end up crossing paths with Ghostwalker when they had their battle. She ended up losing her battle with Ghostwalker after he snuck up on and attacked her, catching her off guard. The two would go on to become close friends and later Ice Dagger introduced him to Firebrand.

She was given the alias “Dag” by Firebrand, as he thought that her name was weird, and despite everyone else not really having a problem with her original name, sometimes they call her Dag as well.

Personality

Ice Dagger is a bit cold towards some, but more open to the people that she values. She tries her best to not let her guard down due to her trauma from being chased down and considered a monster, which influences her cold personality.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

  • Mountains
  • The Cold™

Dislikes

  • She doesn’t like the heat… at all.
Windforce

Windforce (Atmoso)

Introduction

Windforce is a character in Blackrock that was created by a strong gust of wind on the Abyssal Fjord. During a strong water spout right next to a grave, the soul in the grave, regretting having died, has still not accepted his death, and so he’s still on earth. His soul ends up getting merged with the wind. And as he gets sucked up into the water spout, he begins to forget everything that happened, how he died, when he died, and who he was. He then wakes up confused on who he is, he then later looks around his body, and he notices that there’s a small breeze that he can feel around him, a type of aura that he hasn’t felt before.

He then decides to venture around the forest, to see if he can find anyone in the local village. When he got there, he ventured around a bit until finding a familiar looking home, but he walked away from it, confused as to whose home it was. He asks for directions around the village, and he later comes across an old looking person, they ask him if he can help them. Windforce helps the man, and he gives him his thanks. Windforce was about to walk away, until the man told windforce that he thinks he has potential. Windforce questioned why he thought that, and the man said it was because of his aura. He then asked windforce if he wanted to be trained, as it didn’t look like windforce was that competent in the area. He then teaches windforce how to fight with a katana, and when windforce gets the hang of it, he eventually figures out a combo to do with it, but when he did it a burst of wind flew the mannequin away. The old man was impressed, and he said that windforce was a quick learner, and that if he trains more, he recommends he join the fighting tournament. He also gives him a job at his coffee shop so that he can make money, as he said to the old man that he wasn’t employed at all.

Windforce then joins the fighting tournament in March of 2008, that’s where he meets Illumina who is also a bit of a newcomer. It was a hard battle for the both of them, but windforce ended up coming back with a combo that he used against Illumina. After the battle, Windforce placed first in the tournament. Illumina thought that windforce was an interesting person after seeing his fighting style and overall calm personality. Days later after the tournament though, Illumina would go to the same coffee shop that Windforce worked at and would see that Windforce looked down. Windforce had a hard time trying to figure out who he truly was, as he felt as if the mysterious house was connected to him somehow. Illumina told him that they could both talk it out at her apartment, and Windforce accepted the invitation. He went to her house later in a suit, with her wondering why he was so formal, with him responding that when he “first” came into this world he saw multiple suits near the gravestone that he assumed he came from. Illumina figured that he was a merganiae due to her prior knowledge found in the library. She then further talks to Windforce about his origin, and asking various questions about his past, until she later confirms that he is a merganiae. Illumina later explains to him that he is most likely a merganiae, due to his irregular aura and half-human half-air like qualities. Windforce explains to Illumina that all he wants to do is figure out who he truly is, with Illumina promising him that she will be with him till the end and they will both find out his identity together, forging a pact with each other.

They both later found out about the other sword masters, and they formed the group. Illumina eventually became closer to Windforce, and in the end, Illumina and Windforce became close friends, and when the group split apart, he kept connections with very few of the Swordmasters, but Illumina was his main companion that he would venture out with. Illumina and Windforce are currently traveling around, practicing fighting, and Windforce is still working at the coffee shop, and they both are still figuring out about Windforce.

Personality

Windforce is a very etiquette and knowledgeable person.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

  • Etiquetteness
  • Sword Fighting
  • Loyalty

Dislikes

  • Trash
  • Barbarians
  • Selfishness
Firebrand

Firebrand (Blaze)

Introduction

Firebrand, real name Blaze, is a character in Blackrock who was born within a volcano by demons. He has the blood of lava, and later grew volcanic horns on his head after his birth. He was born into a family of five, having a brother and sister. He was always looked up to by the both of them, because of how prideful and flamboyant he was. He would always protect his younger siblings, including one incident where a group of thieves ended up breaking off a part from one of his horns with a hammer. As he grew older, he ended up moving into the more populated regions of blackrock due to him in need of money. He then heard in some local villages that there was a fighting tournament at the capital, and so he traded the pieces that broke off of his head of black rock, and got a katana. He was then ambushed by multiple ninjas, but a few days before he figured out that he can infuse his blood into his sword, and he fought the ninjas fiercely, and ended up defeating them.

He then decided that joining the tournament going on at The Heights wouldn’t be such a bad idea, as he was an avid fighter himself, and also would get him good money to survive. He trained to the point of exhaustion and then rested until the days before the tournament. He joined the tournament in April of 2008, when the first tournament started. He ended up fighting a certain Ice dagger, and ended up losing to her. Even though he placed second and was heated about it, he ended up shaking hands with her, and over time both grew a connection with each other. He later connected with the other swordmasters, but after the group broke up, He later decided to stop interacting with Ice Dagger much, and has now become an enemy of Darkheart due to Darkheart trying to engage into fights with Firebrand, and also Darkheart trying to get manipulative with Firebrand into joining his side in his master plan. He always sees darkheart as a malicious figure that he should defeat, although other members of the group pointed out that Firebrand was also a bit of a hotheaded and close minded individual, and they tried their best to encourage him otherwise when they were all still together. Firebrand ended up later retiring from the tournament, though he still engages in combat in a lesser known underground fight club called the Underock Fight Club.

Firebrand now resides in his volcano, meditating and trying to find self control. His main income is now getting the material Blackrock from the volcano Krakatoa and selling it to local vendors. He still practices sword fighting, and Is planning to start training to fight again.

Personality

Firebrand is a very Flamboyant and Loyal person.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

  • Spicy Foods (High Spice/Heat Tolerance)
  • Fighting
  • Money

Dislikes

  • He doesn’t like the cold… at all.
  • Thieves

I’ll also be sharing a public but limited document so that It won’t be so hard running around the “Hide Details” feature, Which I highly recommend going to instead of focusing on the one that’s on the developer forum.

Public Document: Script Quest Character Document (Public Version) - Google Docs

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I would also like to find out how I can make this post much more organized, due to the fact that one, Its extremely hard to navigate through the text editor due to the long amount of text, and also two, general knowledge.

– also forgot to mention that I just removed darkheart because his story is not complete.

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I’ve got a lot of respect for the depth that you’ve gone to in writing lore for your game, and it’ll be interesting to see how this manifests itself in the actual game.

The one thing I would like to see in this character document is some general explanation for certain parts of the lore that seem off without context. For example, a lot of characters seem to be fully mature one or two years after being born, and you mention multiple of the swordmasters having horns.

As for critiques on the narrative itself, a lot of the characters’ conflicts seem to come down to things that happened to them rather than things they did, which I think will make it more difficult to make their character arcs interesting in the future. For example, Crystal involuntarily attacked the man who tried to save her; it didn’t have anything to do with her poor judgement, rather an uncontrollable outburst of power. I think having some more of the characters’ weaknesses cause them trouble throughout their backstories will make the story more engaging overall.

Also, while I was reading I noticed that most of the characters (though mainly Windforce and Firebrand) had rather exotic origin stories that didn’t seem essential to the narrative. I get that what you’re writing is more fantasy-oriented, but I think you should try and trim unnecessary elements where you can. For example, is it possible to explain the magic powers of any of the swordmasters through life experiences (places they’ve gone to, things they’ve done or witnessed, interactions they’ve had with others) rather than an unusual birth? I think Illumina’s story does this well; she practiced and trained to get where she is now, and people being afraid of her was a direct result of her trying to build her magic. That isn’t to say that everyone has to be normal people, but I think you should use exotic backstories sparingly; make it an interesting quality of one or two characters rather than making it the norm for everyone. Then again, if the group of swordmasters is specifically for people with these kinds of backstories, you might be able to make it work if you explain it right.

Keep in mind that most of this is just my opinion as a reader of your story. There’s a lot of stuff about the world that you’re building that I don’t know yet, and that will influence how you structure the narratives.

2 Likes

Yeah… I’ll definitely have to come up for something with the ages. That’s currently one of the biggest issues so far in terms of the narrative. Maybe the characters grow twice as fast as regular people or something, idk… But so far that’s my only solution atm.

The thing is, I want the years to be consistent with the years on Roblox, and since the first game takes place in 2014 its gonna make things much harder, especially describing when people get elderly and what not…

So are you trying to say that if I instead make character conflicts more focused on bad things that they’ve done instead of things that happened to them then It would make that characters arc more interesting because of the reader actually being able to see that character have time to develop as a person and see them improve themselves?

I want to keep the small tit-bits cause I want to make things a bit more descriptive. Will removing this make the pacing a bit faster in terms of explanation and also cut a bit unimportant details? And what do you see as a fine line between minimal and extra?

Other than maybe Windforce and Illumina, I do get what you mean about the lack of information on how they actually progressed in their abilities and fighting styles.

Do you think that this would also make these characters more unique and different compared to other characters? And also, do you think that if I change up Windforce’s story a bit more and have people like Ghostwalker, Ice Dagger, and Venomshank be the only people (in the group obviously) who have the more exotic stories? Maybe Windforce can instead just be from a Noble bloodline, and Illumina helps him try to live more free and not be proper all of the time.

Do you think I should also apply this to the present also?

Oh yeah also the reason why Firerbrand has horns as explained is due to the fact that he is a demon, and Ghostwalker’s dad also got horns due to his genetics that come a mix of demons and guests.

Some people also may have antlers, which is pretty rare but it comes from an ancient tribe of deer-like individuals who have deer blood, and the blood ended up making the newly born have antlers. Blood influences your genetics and also can change your appearance, this explains why some people may have unique qualities like horns or antlers, or scales like Venomshank.

But I’ll tell you this, when the main stories finished its going to make things much easier, though the games gonna take long to make it will be worth it whenever it releases in whatever year.

If you don’t want to stretch one year of Roblox history into multiple years, you could consider extending time before 2006 instead to give more reasonable birth years. 2006 could still be some kind of a landmark in the game’s chronology, but it wouldn’t have to be the beginning of everything.

Another alternative would be to mess with how the characters perceive time. Maybe a month for them is like a year to us. This might not be ideal, but it’s another option.

Yes, I think it’ll make things more interesting if the characters need to mature to be able to overcome flaws in their personality. Of course, things happening to characters out of their control isn’t wrong, but I think it would add some nuance to the story if some of the things that happen to them are a result of their own poor judgement.

With the Icedagger situation, I think making the incident a bad decision on her part would improve the story the most if you were imagining her to be remorseful for what happened. If she’s worried about people thinking she’s a murderous person rather than feeling bad about the man’s death, then I think it could go either way.

Pacing isn’t what I’m really thinking about; I was more just thinking that having a lot of characters with exotic backstories will make the narrative feel oversaturated and make each of those exotic characters feel less special as a result. I think it would be easier to get invested in a character who had an unusual birth if they were one of the only ones like that, rather than it being normal for most of the members of the group.

When I was reading, it started to feel like overkill when a character was described as being born out of a certain element. I think it would be more moderate to have the character be a slightly different species and have sensitivity to a certain element, but not necessarily be infused with that element (like being half wind).

Yeah, that sounds good. I think it will make those three characters more interesting if they’re sort of the special ones in the group.

This is a good idea. You can try working with it and seeing how it meshes with everything else in the story.

That would also be a good idea.

The furthest I can do that to is 2004, which maybe I can make it a bit more unique and call it the “Lost Era” (2004-2005) due to the fact that there’s not much information on it.

Robloxians age’s are based off of 0.2% of a real life human, so Oofy for an example will be 14, while Rob will be 15 and Baco will be just about 13!

Took me like 1-2 hours to figure it out, but this is about the best I can do, but I think it’ll work out!

About the poor judgment thing, do you think that Ghostwalker’s arc’s focusing on him growing away from just forgetting the past and being against sadness to something else?

image

I’ve been wanting something like this to be for Ghostwalkers arc for a bit.

But then again I come across another problem because is it really worth having 57% of characters have exotic origin stories? This is because dark hearts current story is fairly exotic atm, so that would add to the 43% of characters who have exotic backstories.