Ah yes, Puppy Anti-Cheat™ — the $999 yearly Roblox miracle cure for people who think the word “cloud” automatically makes something secure. You’re charging almost a grand a year for what amounts to a glorified placebo written in Luau? I didn’t realize comedy had a subscription fee.
What an absolute fantasy land you’ve built here. Bold claim from a system that supposedly does real-time memory and behavior detection… in a language that doesn’t even give you raw memory access. You’re not writing an anti-cheat. You’re just LARPing as one.
Signature based detection in Luau, on the client, in a sand-boxed environment where you don’t even have access to local files or memory? Are you out of your mind? What are you detecting? Bytecode from scripts you don’t have access to? Memory patterns in a sand-boxed environment with no pointer-level access? The aura of a cheat script? Psychic residue left behind by Synapse? It’s about as real as Herobrine.
You’re either lying through your teeth or you’ve achieved enlightenment beyond mortal comprehension. Either way, you are describing impossible features in a literal locked down environment and selling them like they’re NSA grade tools. Spoiler: Your anti-cheat is about as secure as a wet paper bag in a thunderstorm.
And this isn’t just some overambitious solo project. Of course not. No, no. You’re actually trying to monetize this dumpster fire. $999/year for access to a fancy configuration menu and an Excel sheet that says “Detected: Yes.” This is industrial strength snake oil. You’re not offering protection, you’re running a scam with a UI.
Real developers don’t need buzzwords like “zero day coverage” and “cloud based ban-waves.” They need actual, functional tools not some half baked fantasy that falls apart the moment someone opens the developer console. You’re not the future of anti-cheat. You’re the future of a class action lawsuit.
You had the audacity to parade this around like it was divine revelation, but all you did was slap meaningless terms on a product that couldn’t defend a brick wall in Studio play mode. I’ve seen more effective protection from a free model with a debounce script.
And worst of all? You actually dare insult the intelligence of real developers with this condescending, smug pile of fiction like we wouldn’t notice that everything you’re claiming is flat out impossible under Roblox’s architecture. You’re not innovating. You’re preying on people who don’t know any better.
This isn’t a post. It’s a $999 monument to shameless grifting, technical ignorance, and weaponized ego. Keep the pitchforks. I’ll bring the fire and the camera. I need a photo with the first person to charge AAA pricing for AA fanfic.