I think that game trailers work well for games, but only when they are exciting and engaging for the user.
Watching your trailer now, it’s only been 3 seconds and I’ve seen two clips and neither of them make me want to keep watching the trailer and I also can’t figure out what they are supposed to show (or tell) me. I’d personally recommend removing those two clips entirely for that reason or reconstructing their presentation to make it more clear what you’re showing.
Your best bet of getting players from the game page actually into your game is by showing them what your game has to offer to them. This can be done through your trailer and of course, the longer they watch it, the more you can offer them; the higher your conversion rate will be.
A simple google search shows that a person’s attention span can be as little as only 2 seconds, meaning that ideally you should have something that interests and grabs the attention of the user in the first two seconds of the trailer.
For this reason, I would recommend opening the trailer with a bold, extremely clear title that stands out from the background (probably with some pretty blurred gameplay as the background, or even a moving gradient kind of thing) asking the user something along the lines of “HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES?”. This is only an example of course, but it will keep the user watching the trailer as they will wonder “Have I got what it takes to do what?” and you’re also using direct address with the “YOU” which should make the user feel as if the trailer is asking them personally.
Also, I would change the order of the different sections and titles you have in the trailer. E.g. I would place your title “Battle dangerous foes” before “Explore a large world” simply for the reason that battling dangerous foes sounds more fun and exciting than exploring a large world.
That’s just like a general rule though (presenting the most exciting parts of the game first). If you went with my idea of the opening being “HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES?” you could continue on from this with “TO BATTLE DANGEROUS FOES…” just to keep a good flow to the trailer and continue on from this with other titles. Oh and the … tells the user that there’s more to come so they continue watching 
I’d advise copy and pasting that first title I mentioned so that your trailer has a consistent style which will make it look more professional than if there were different types of titles. Also make sure that the title is very large, easy to read and not on the screen for too long (you could use a fade out so that the user won’t click off your trailer from boredom or thinking that the video is frozen / over).
I like the music but please try to fade the music change from the first to the second better (or even stick with the same music throughout), the music change should be unnoticeable but we’re currently left with a moment of silence which is very noticeable.
Ensure that your gameplay clips focus fully on the part of the gameplay you’re highlighting in that section of the trailer, so they can’t be distracted and get lost looking at an irrelevant feature of the game.
At the end of the trailer, I’d firstly implement a call to action along the lines of “BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY NOW” to tell the user what they should do now that they’ve watched the trailer. (That should be bold and clear but look slightly different to the other titles in the trailer just to separate the game features from the CTA as they’re not really related. This could be done by even a text colour change). Then, replace the game name text with one of the two thumbnails. They both include the text still, but leave the user with an exciting impression of the game (and also clearly marking the end of the trailer), hopefully leading to them joining the game.
A decent(ish) example of a trailer that converts would be Ninja Legends, as clearly you can see that their trailer converts clicks to players very well judging by the player / visit count.
However, it’s your game and passion not mine so do as you please but this is probably worth a shot at least. Let me know if you do try it 
