So, I have I am on an Alpha Tester Team for a game, and I created some unofficial Lore. And I’d like to see what people think of it. 
NOTE. The Lore is relatively long, and I’m looking for people who can give excellent feedback and not those who merely glance over the story. 
Examples:
If you have any extra tips for writing or ideas for the story, feel free to tell me! 
Hello,
I didn’t read all of it as it’s just mumbo-jumbo lore to me. Some of the writing seems a little redundant.
The first thing I noticed is the style of the page which personally, looks really nice.
For some reason, the person who created the text kinda ruined it with the font as this is a font for a book, true. But not these types of old books (look at the background) it’d serve well to use a better older font.
The black bars to hide identity or personal info also looks wrong.
The third pic seems to have small grammatical errors such as “its” when it should be “it’s” and “monster’s”
Since you’re an alpha tester, do you have permission to post this?
Actually, I’ll read your story.
I’ll happily read the 1st page of the story and point out the common mistakes.
Chapter 1:
The 1st thing I noticed about the story is that you capitalized boy in this sentence:
“One fateful day, an Elvin Boy named Izmaelith, and two Elvin girls named Marid and Amernyr.”
You shouldn’t capitalize boy, the only thing you should’ve capitalized is Elvin. I also noticed that you capitalized boy and not girls. I suggest you change that!
Secondly, in the sentence:
“It had golden markings transcribed into the tree and have silver petals, and it was something they had never seen before.”
There was a bit that really sounded wrong, aka “And have silver petals”. It really sounded weird and confusing. Sorry with my bad wording. You should rewrite it and make it like:
“It had golden markings transcribed into the tree with silver petals all around it.”
3rd, the 1st part of the sentence:
“These three entered this mystical tree, and in this tree was a puddle.”
It was poorly worded and it put me off for a few seconds. A better sentence is:
“Izmaelith, Marid, and Amernyr slowly went into the tree, they discovered a puddle in the tree while exploring.”
4th, the sentence:
“This puddle was so pure and clean that it showed a perfect reflection like searing molten silver yet, it was cold and calm.”
Was weird and poorly done. The way you used this and it was bad. A better sentence is:
“The puddle was so pure and clean. The puddle showed a perfect reflection of searing molten silver yet it was so calm.”
That’s all I can do at the moment, all I can say is that you improve on ur wording, grammar, and plot. It’s messy and badly scripted, if you redo it… use words that sound right. Overall, it’s okay! 
Hello, Luxorz,
Thank you for reading. I was trying to get a fantasy-type old scroll-type feel to the pages I would’ve used a more cursive font to indicate someone writing with an old Ink Quill pen but, that would’ve made the text 30* harder to read. So I decided to use a font that was similar to Times New Roman.
I hear what you’re saying about the black bars to hide someone’s identity, and I think I’ll use some kind of smear effect on them to indicate someone scribbled them out or some sort of magical entity caused them to be wiped from every page in the land.
Thank you for pointing out little grammatical errors; it helps a lot with writing. I tend to have those errors and look over them most of the time!
And yes, I have permission to post this. It is unofficial, and if the time comes where it becomes official, then this won’t be the final copy, The people on the developer team may want to change the plot of the story, so this is not a final copy. I want to see an in-depth lore game on Roblox, and I have yet to see one. Hopefully, this game changes this.
